South Carolina's Governor Sanford "My mistress is my soul mate."
Jerry Maquire "You complete me."
Richard Bach (of Jonathan Livingston Seagull fame) "Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life."
For over a year now, I've been cogitating over this term "soulmate" that seems to get bantered around as easily as the proverbial ping pong ball. This term, this sometimes unattainable-can't-possibly-live-up-to-missing-piece-person... do they exist or is this another form of Prince/Princess Charming that we read about in the Green Fairy Tale Book. (Yes, I have the volumes Brown and Blue, too, still on my shelf, along with Brothers' Grimm and Hans Christian Anderson...Brothers' Grimm...that should have been a clue for us!)
Personally, I've been in my relationship with Larry since 1974. Others have called us "Soul mates" - I don't recall us ever referring to ourselves that way. We love each other, we've figured out how to live happily with each other - first as a couple, then as parents with two sons and now, again, we are remembering what it's like to be just the two of us in the car, at the dinner table, with Matt and Nick having their own homes. Our relationship has grown for over 36 years. Does that make us soul mates?
When I first watched the movie "Jerry Maguire" I bristled at the now famous scene where Jerry tells Dorothy "You complete me" What?!?!? Is that really her responsibility to complete him??? My friends were all talking about how much they loved that scene...I kept quiet and thought "what's wrong with me? I thought that was awful!" Not just corny...corny I can appreciate. There was something at the core of me that said "nope...that's not right".
Over the years, I've heard the "soul mate" card used as the great eraser to bad behavior. Being a legal secretary in a Family Law office, I heard a lot of excuses - very similar to Gov. Sanford's - about how it wasn't their fault they found their soul mate and their partner wasn't it, as they sign the court documents, kicking their partner to the curb and arguing over the spices in the spice rack.
What makes a Soul Mate? I've come to my own conclusion: A soul mate is found within - not in the outer regions of someone else. You are your own soul mate - and you are the only one to complete yourself.
I'm not expecting Larry to complete me - that's my responsibility. If I work on my own truth, my own self-care, then I bring my whole self along for this ride of life. And that makes me a better partner for Larry, my kids, my co-workers - anyone and anything I do.
Here's one more quote for the road: Jason Zebehazy "Distance makes the heart grow fonder, and familiarity breeds contempt. According to this, my soul mate should be in Thailand."
It just made me laugh ~ that's all ~ and I hope it made you laugh, too.
Be your own Soul Mate - invoke some Bear Medicine and spend some time going within. Introspection is a great step to finding your own inner Soul Mate, and bringing you to wholeness.
